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THE FUNNIES

Humor, The Best Way To Start The Day

So you think you look like...

peanuts gang

PEANUTS Launches Year-Long 60th Anniversary Celebrations with the First Official PEANUTS Look-a-Like Contest!

With Inspiration from a Gallery of Celebrity Peanuts Look-a-Likes — Including Will Ferrell, Simon Pegg, Tina Fey and Whoopi Goldberg — Fans Can Enter Photos of Themselves or Their Kids

Contest Judges Include Jill Schulz, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, “Supernanny” Jo Frost, Nigel Barker and Victoria Recaño

In a Contest Benefiting the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, Entrants Compete for Family Adventure to Cedar Point, Home of Planet Snoopy
peanuts

Pig Latin 101 = igpay atinlay 011ay

Lesson 2

Get Lost Punk = etgay ostlay unkpay

Lesson 3

No More Dow = onay oremay owday

Lesson 4

Sign language lessons below = ignsay anguagelay essonslay elowbay

Fido

headache

arg

arg2

Cough Syrup

The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily
against a wall. The owner asks the clerk: "What's with that guy over
there by the wall?" The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this
morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough
syrup, I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner, wide-eyed
and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle
of laxatives!" The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at
him; he's afraid to cough!"

from Road Runner

Children under 18, do not go past this line, this is a child safe web site!

div1

Subject: Top 36 Things You'll Never Hear From a Southerner :

36.I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
35.Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
34.Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
33.We don't keep firearms in this house.
32.Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmers
31.You can't feed that to the dogs.
30.I thought Graceland was tacky.
29.No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
28.Wrestling's fake.
27.Honey, did you mail that donation to Green peace?
26.We're vegetarians.
25.Do you think my gut is too big?
24.I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
23.Honey, we don't need another dog.
22. Who gives a hoot who won the Civil War?
21.Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
20.Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
19.Spitting is such a nasty habit.
18.I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
17.Trim the fat off that steak.
16.Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15.The tires on that truck are too big.
14.I'll have the arugula and riadicchio salad.
13.I've got it all on the C: drive.
12. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
11.Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
10.My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
9.I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
8.Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
7. Checkmate.
6.Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
5.Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4.I don't have a favorite college team.
3.Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
2.You all.
And, Number ONE is:
1.Duct tape won't fix that.

from Hill Climber

div1

Are you a True Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, and raises the knife and charges at you. You are carrying a .40 cal. Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

"Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor? Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? What does the law say about this situation? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a 'Paint and Weed Day' and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior!"

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click.... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-shock hollow points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!?"

Wife: "You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist! "

......................

Who is your real friend?

This really works...!

Try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

Dali Llama
_{I just saw that AC/DC video, I just love Angus!}

rolling outhouse
_{When you just have to go, and do it cheap! The rolling out house.}

Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist

ADVANCES IN MEDICINE....AMAZING

A French doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man,

put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind.

We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House , and now half the country is looking for work.'

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